Naruto’s Evil, Crazy, Disturbing Birthday
by Gothic-Rez
Summary: It's Naruto's birthday and Sasuke decides to throw him a surprise party. shonenai: NaruSasu and other pairings
1. It's My Birthday!

Author's Notes: Alright, I've finally submitted another story! Yaay for me! Okay just so you know don't take this story seriously, its pure silliness! And just so you know Sasuke and Naruto live together for some weird reason.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters.

Warnings: Shonen-ai, Violence, offensive language and erm ... other stuff.

Naruto's Evil, Crazy, Disturbing Birthday-- Chapter One: It's My Birthday! 

Naruto closed his eyes tightly, hoping _it_ would be gone when he opened them.

_Blink, Blink _

Nope, _it'_s still there. He felt like screaming, "Sasuke save me!" But he figured if he woke the slumbering Uchiha it would only worsen his already desperate situation. He had to think, there must be some way to get rid of_ it_. Maybe he could just squish_ it_? No, too messy. Or he could blow it up with a bomb! But where would he get the bomb? Before he could give himself another mental suggestion, _it_ moved. "WHA!"

Naruto heard Sasuke groan loudly from the room behind him. "Shut the hell up Naruto!" Came the sleepy voice of the blonde's roommate. "But Sasuke, there's an evil scary monster that's eating my ramen and trying to kill me!" Naruto responded, jumping up and down in desperation. He heard Sasuke mumble something about "stupid idiot, eating ramen at eight in the morning…" and some other incoherent words.

The young raven-haired boy stammered out of the bedroom half-dressed. A smile crept onto Naruto's face as he saw his rescuer stumble over to the table. Sasuke looked at the ramen cup, then at Naruto. "What monster?" he said with a tone annoyance in his voice. "That one," Naruto replied, pointing to a tiny spider that had fallen into his ramen. Sasuke groaned and grabbed the ramen cup. "W-what are you doing!" Naruto stuttered nervously as Sasuke stepped outside. The Uchiha emptied the ramen and stepped back inside, handing the Styrofoam cup to Naruto. "Problem Solved," Sasuke said.

Later that day, after Naruto was done crying over his Ramen, Sasuke took his little fox out for lunch. They were eating outside at a nice little café. Naruto dug in to his chicken flavored ramen noodles. "So Naruto," Sasuke began his voice void of any and all emotion, "What do you think?" The blonde slurped up the last of the noodles and met eyes with the other. "It's really good Sasuke; but why are you taking me out for lunch?"

Sasuke resisted the urge to hit Naruto in the face and calmly answered, "In case you've forgotten, which you clearly have, today is your birthday Naruto." The blonde was quiet for a while then smiled. He gulped down the last of the hot broth and stood up, Sasuke followed suit. An awkward silence descended upon them as Sasuke paid the bill. He dug in his pocket for a few coins.

_Jingly, jingle, jingle POW! _

The Uchiha found himself on the ground and Naruto on top of him, hugging him. He felt out of breath as the fox-child embraced tightly. "Naruto what the--" The world seemed to stand still as their lips met and Naruto forcefully slipped his tongue into the others mouth. Sasuke broke the kiss and gasped for air. The fox looked at his curiously. Obviously they had completely forgotten they were in a_ public_ restaurant and didn't realize they had quite a few spectators.

Sasuke's face was now a deep shade of red. "Thank you, Sasuke," Naruto said calmly as he helped his friend to his feet. "For what?" Sasuke snapped. The blonde smiled and grabbed Sasuke's hand. "No one's ever done something for my Birthday before."

The walk home was quiet, the two ninja's made their way back house hand-in-hand. When the got there Naruto went to bed right away, even though it was only two o' clock. This was a perfect opportunity for Sasuke to begin working on his evil plot. He pulled out the phonebook and began dialing up numbers. "Sakura, you're still coming, right? Good, okay. Master Kakashi too? Perfect, see you at seven." He then proceeded to run to the market for some last minute party supplies.

When he returned it was already four o' clock. "Damn stupid clock, go slower!" He shouted in vain. The boy then realized that Naruto was awake and lounging on the couch. "Oh no," Sasuke whispered to himself as he tried to shove all of the supplies into a nearby closet. "Hey, where were you?" The blonde inquired. "Nowhere," Sasuke answered and left the room. "Oh…"

It was now six o' clock and Sasuke hadn't been able set anything up yet. Time was running out… "Hey Naruto, why don't you…. Um… Take a bath!" Sasuke said pointing to the bathroom. He mentally congratulated himself on his quick thinking. "I'm not dirty," The blonde replied simply and continued watching television. "Oh well that's okay, you can take one for fun." Naruto seemed to be confused at this comment; bathes had never been 'fun.' "I took one last month," He answered plainly.

Now Sasuke was getting desperate. A surprise party seemed almost impossible. Unless… "Hey Naruto, why don't you go over to Master Kakashi's house for a while," Sasuke said slyly. "Why? Do you hate me?" Naruto replied, his big, blue eyes shimmering. "No, I just think you need to get out for a while," Sasuke answered rushing the other out the door. He then quickly picked up the phone and dialed Kakashi's. "I need you to distract Naruto while I set up for the party…"

To be concluded…


	2. Kakashi's House

I will start off with replies to my reviewers:

To Aerine Lillet: I'm glad you think it's funny! I will try to make this chapter even better.

To shmell: Arigato, sorry it took so long!

To Fractured Dreams: Thanks, it should be an interesting story.

To Einzazmunster: Well Naruto isn't really _that_ brave; drinking sour milk is more along the lines of stupidity than bravery. Besides why would he pass up the chance to have Sasuke come to his rescue, ne?

To tigersmt.334 X Assasin's core: Why thank you, I try my best.

Naruto's Evil, Crazy, Disturbing Birthday-- Chapter Two: Master Kakashi's House! 

Naruto made his way to Kakashi's house. _I wonder why Sasuke was acting so jumpy all of the sudden, _He thought to himself. The young blonde knocked on the door a few times before barging in. "Hello Master Kakashi!" Kakashi lifted his eyes from his book and gave Naruto a slight wave. "Can I help you, Naruto? Did you cut yourself with your kunai again?" Naruto smiled and jumped on the couch next to his teacher. "Nu-uh, I just came to visit," Naruto answered light-heartedly.

Kakashi sighed and set down "Make-out Paradise.(1)" He shifted a bit before grabbing his remote control and offering it to Naruto. The blonde shook his head to say "no" and began to look around the room. "So, ahem what do you want to do?" Kakashi asked, rather annoyed he couldn't continue to read his book. "I dunno," Naruto replied starring at a red package with a blue ribbon on it. "What's that?" He pointed to the package. Kakashi followed the boy's gaze. "Oh that, uh… That's for a friend."

An awkward silence seemed to fall upon them as Naruto pondered who the "friend" could be. _Maybe Master Kakashi has a girlfriend? Or maybe… That present is for me! _Naruto got up and walked over to the small table on which the box rested. "Hey Master what's in the package?" He asked slyly, picking the box up and shaking it. Kakashi got up and grabbed the box from Naruto. "That's none of your business Naruto." He opened his cupboard and set the package inside. Naruto made a pouty face and decided it must not be for him.

The young fox-child gave a long yawn before curling up on the couch. He snuggled up to one of Kakashi's throw pillows. "Huh?" He felt something under the pillow and pulled it out. Naruto examined the magazine which he held in his hand. "Master, what does 'hentai' mean?" He questioned flipping though the magazine. "Kakashi flinched and reached for the magazine. "Nothing," He said sternly. Naruto smiled deviously and curled back into a ball.

—Elsewhere—

_Ding-Dong, Ding-Dong _

Sasuke let out a sigh of relief and opened the door. "Oh Sakura, I'm glad you're here so you can help me—What's Ino doing here!" Sakura gave a fake smile and began, "Well—" Ino cut here off by pushing her aside. "When I heard you where throwing a party, of course I assumed I was invited, My Cute Little Sasuke," She said wrapping her arms around the boys neck. Sasuke pushed her off. "Fine, whatever," He invited the two in. Sakura placed her present for Naruto on the table. "What did you need help with?"

Before long the house was decorated with paper lanterns and streamers. "I'll get to work on the cake!" Sakura said happily. Sasuke was about to thank but was first pulled away by Ino. "Here's your present Sasuke," She said handing him a little box. "It's not birthday it's Naruto's," Sasuke replied. Ino looked upset. "Oh well just open it!"

The young Uchiha grabbed the present, resisting the urge to shuve it down Ino's throat. The blonde made a pouty face and followed Sasuke into the kitchen. "It's a quarter to seven!" Sakura said, pointing at the clock. "Oh, shit," Sasuke quickly picked up the phone and dialedKakashi's number.

--At Kakashi's--

Kakashi shook Naruto, to wake him, "Hey Naruto time to get up--Ugh!"Naruto hit Kakashi in the mouth so hard it made the older man fling back and hit the coffee table. Which just happened to have coffee on it. Kakashi was bleeding and soaked with hot liqued. Naruto shifted a bit then curled back up when he found a comfortable position. The silver-haired man slowly lifted himself to his feet. "Damn it all," He said calmly.

Kakashi calmly collected himself and tried to figure out a way to wake the sleeping child. "NARUTO BREAKFAST IS READY!" Suddenly Naruto jumped to his feet and looked around franticly. "Where!" Kakashi smirked under his mask. "I think it's time we get you home, Naruto." The older man ruffled the child's hair. Naruto, realizing he wasn't getting breakfast or any other form of food stuffs, reluctantly followed his master out the door.

"Are we there yet?" Naruto sighed as he dragged his feet along the pavement. He was still quite annoyed at not getting food. _I swear if I have to go another minute without food, I'll--_ His thought's were intterupted by the sound of Kakashi's voice. " We're here," The man said monotonously. Naruto smiled and ran up to the front door. He began to turn the doorknob...

(1)Also known as 'Love, Love Paradise' or 'Come, Come Paradise.'

A/N: Hope you liked it! I will try to get the next chapter up sooner. Sorry for the huge delay! >. My love to all of those who review my story! Thank you guys so much. You have no idea how much it means to me to get feedback on my stories.


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